Together we can work on reaching your goal by providing you with a clear-cut action plan that has been tailor-made to fit your relationship, your situation, and your specific needs. We met eachother when we were really young. So the decision will be considering for children life only and the best for them financially. Its not that he is a bad person, he is very kind, tries to make me happy in his own way, we laugh a lot because we have the same humour. I tried to find reasons to meet this man again and again and I did found but I became totally dependent on him to be happy. Ive been the happiest woman doing this until recently. The way I always felt about my kids mother has always been there and I always told myself that If I could be with her again I would. Off limits, he says, requiring me to keep strictly proffesioal level talk or it will be all over. The emotional bond between us died down throughout the years, but our bond was always very solid. My husband and I have full custody but allow him to see baby 1 time a week. I hate myself for wanting to be with someone else as well as my husband. Whats more, we all fool ourselves from time to time in order to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done or decided. He says he loves me but he is in love with her. I need help. The person isnt necessarily actively searching for another person to fall in love with; it is just easier to fall for someone who offers them what theyve been craving in their relationship. Right before I left my spouse threw a huge tantrum where he was punching Walls and he jumped out the car while I was driving. You have to TRY to save your marriage because trust me, it is not going to be saved by accident. I know that there are so many emotions coursing through you right now because you have found yourselfwanting someone else while in a relationship. And, yet, my spouse neglects me. Hi Matt, thanks for reaching out. Thanks Corrie for the post. 16 years ago when in high school I had a crush on a guy and we were good friends. Thank you so much for your advice. We were engaged 50 years ago but were very young at the time and did not marry. 5. A way to help you choose Yourself or the kids? I know that in the long run my best friend would make me happier. The two main problems I have with my marriage is communicating and sex. I feel like Ill lose so much if I leave my husband like my house, my children part of the time but I feel like Im losing myself if I stay. Ending an affair can be difficult, but it all starts with mindset. I stopped communicating with my ex immediately i got engaged nd only started speaking with him on phone last year 2019. So as I said, the key to making the right decision is weighing out the long-term consequences. I will tell you about my clients situation a little further down in this article, but she was experiencing an emotion that is probably very similar to what you are experiencing if you are reading this article. My husband got married for my children sake though I care for him and I dont want to hurt him because he is a good guy. Just by being ourselves. You weren't looking to fall in love with some who is not single, but you did. I cringe at the thought of my husband touching me, but we have had some good times in bed but not many. But everytime i think of losing him, my heart is heavy and i feel like my world will crumble. Whether you choose your husband or wife, or the person youve found yourself falling for, you have to commit to them 100%. The result is that the more exhausted you become, the harder it is to see things clearly. We were best friends, lovers, the perfect match. Someone once told me something very interesting. Im trying to look for answers I recently split with my boyfriend of 2 years got back together he proposed to me even though I told him to wait until we are back on track I love him but Im not in love with him I have strong feelings for someone I work with who has also told me he loves me and Im torn dont know what too do Im no longer the same person I was two years ago with my boyfriend and that the person I work with makes me feel loved and is more like me and we have more in common totally confused. What was hurting me and why and what could we do to fix it. I am in the situation at hand my self at this very moment. I met someone. He insists on me proving myself that I would do anything to find a solution to take card of the kids and so far it is nothing but us faking we are good by allowing myself to kiss him and hug him in front of the kids knowing I dont want to at all. Yelling at me calling me names in front of them. I knew I was not happy in my marriage; that there were things missing, and that I was very, very lonely and had been for a long time. My marriage has its problems, but overall, my husband is wonderful. Now, try the right place. continuing like you probably are now "married but in love with someone else.") Decide to end your marriage to be with your affair partner-marrying them or not. A long time ago, he made a mistake that hurt you deeply. A month ago, my wife told me, she fell in love with another man and since then realized, what she was missing in our relationship, because she experienced feelings, she didnt feel for a long time. We started by outlining how their distance began, and discovered that a lot of what frustrated him in his marriage was feeling undervalued. If you're committed to making your marriage work, keeps asking, What is it going to take to be this fully expressed and alive me IN my marriage?. Acts of service are things that your spouse would really like you to do. Very torn. So I often dont say anything. Ive been married for 3 years but weve been together for 9 year. LMFT licensed profesional. Hi: Ive been married for 25 years, very unhappy for the past 17 years. We had our kids at a young age and broke up a year after having them, they are now 20 years old.. I dont want to lose that! What I can do, however, is provide you with some pointers on how to ask yourself honest questions that will allow you to get more clarity in terms of what you truly want to do. Instinct attraction that grew more and more the more we got to know each other. Do you have any tools available on how one can sum up enough willpower to cut your lover out of your life if youve chosen to work on your marriage? By the 4th month of being away on business month I told my spouse i couldnt keep lying to myself or to him that I wanted a divorce and I was completely over this relationship. The best part is that this can also inspire him to want to pursue you even more, because youre not diving into his arms the moment you can. Wishing you all the best! My husband proposed to me 2months into our dating and 7 months later we got married. I both want it and dont want it. Is it a defense mechanism as a result of something that hurt them at some point in their past? I know this can be difficult and hard, but if you find yourself not wanting to be in the relationship any longer, it is best to set aside some time to communicate this early on to your partner. He listened to me. I need help.. My husband and I have always been very close. I am at that point where i can say i dont love him anymore. then they came back into your life and those feelings all came back? Some work needs to happen to ensure that your husband no longer makes these mistakes, and if he does, he needs to realize that there are consequences. This actually answered my drawback, thank you! But at the same time inside I feel ruined because I miss her and I wonder what if. You can have an honest conversation with this person and tell them that you have chosen to save your marriage, so the affair and contact must end. If you have fallen for someone else it means that your marriage is on rocky ground and you need to take a good look at this situation. So the very first thing we need to do it is to dissect the situation. I think I let this other relationship evolve in the beginning just to discover what I want and if I could have it. I feel like me and my kids mother were meant to be and she makes me feel wanted and loved and I cant control the way I feel about her . Your heart might be screaming, "I'm married but in love with another man," very loudly. If you're having an affair, stop seeing each other while you work out what you want to do. All the time follow your heart. I have been married for almost 7 years now and I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. Two years ago he got in trouble and needed deperately my help. Its true love grows and love fades so its we to try to keep it growing . That opened up conversation that lead to an affair. Thanks for the post. I went to a therapist because my affair and guilt got me depressed. Please dont hesitate to reach out for coaching if you would like a helping hand. But it involves a lot of individual therapy and anti depressants. Just because a woman is married, it doesn't mean you can't fall in love with her. This poem really spelt out my thoughts. Last week, she decided to leave me, only to already regret it after one night we spent in separate bedrooms and ask for a little more time I know things can be diifuclt but we are here to help. Otherwise, we are more than happy to help you via one on one coaching. The communication part was more difficult, because how do you explain something like that to someone who doesnt like communicating? From then on, things went downhill. Hi Jodi, thank you for sharing your story. He feels this girl is what he wants, but in my heart he is just running from something or likes the newness of it. And last night, my guy told me, he just wants me to be honest with myself and to not let other people treat me as a doormat and put myself first. Im in the same boat but only that Im a woman and my story is similar to yours. I dont talk to the guy i met online coz i dont want it to be used against me. But i fell in love with this guy. Prior to meeting my husband almost 6 years ago, I was in a very hot/cold relationship with someone for 7 years. My wife is a very loving and caring woman but she is a little older than me so she is stuck her ways, and now that weve been together so long Ive been feeling like she is just to comfortable to the point where I feel like Im just there. Hello Daosk, please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching. Could you please extend them a little from next time? I love my husband, he is my best friend, but I fear that I am no longer in love with my husband. And I feel like we got married for many of the wrong reasons. If you are still feeling unsure about how youre going to get to the other side of this situation and find true happiness,all you have to is get in touch with me or a member of my team. He wants us to be back together but I think its to hurt my husband for cheating him, while we were together. For some of you, you might be feeling like you are in love with two people at the same time, and others of you might feel that you dont feel anything for your spouse anymore. My husband is an amazing man, amazing father, but we have different needs and wants. Even called an example for others. Your meeting had so much intensity. I am afraid that I am vulnerable to someone that would give me what is missing in our relationship. And everytime the hubby comes home, i drop everything i do and pretend im a good mother to his children, but not a good wife to him since i dont do the responsibilities that a wife does to her spouse. You want to make sure that you can highlight the positives and make sure that you both get excited about your relationship again. Theyre very convincing and will definitely work. Im scared of what my family will react, my family includes our children, my brother and sister and the rest of my moms brothers and sisters. Even though I know thats wrong to feel crushed. When I talk to her she give a me this feeling like when we were together and she knows everything about me because we were friends before lovers. Thank you for your message and your interesting point! Well he has been messaging me a lot and talking about the past and he has mentioned he is getting a divorce and that Ive always been the one who got away. Though new love is always so tempting. And I try so hard to stay quiet and not react but after a while sometimes I cant bite my tongue anymore. We never broke. Ive seen this happen many times and a lot of the times it doesnt work it. In it, you will find many indicators and signs that will help you determine whether or not its time to leave this marriage. I always thought about him, found myself checking on him via FB, and always still loved him and wondered what if. Recently my Ex reached out to me, letting me know he still cared for me, wanted to apologize for the past. You can never force it, but once it arrives and settles in, you need to actively preserve it if you dont want it to go anywhere. There are many chances you got your lover back sooner or later. Hi NMN, sometimes this sort of thing happens when there is a sense of monotony and predictability in a relationship, and youre craving something that feels fresh. During that time, we have each had some feelings for each other at some time or another, but neither of us really mentioned it. This is a big decision, so I highly recommend reaching out to us for one on one coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions, analyze your situation, and create a custom action plan. There is a natural human tendency to dislike the bringer of bad news, even if that person was not the one who was behind the unpleasant news. This way your SO will see that hes on your mind as your go-to, and you can maintain a friendship with your ex-husband. Make time for romance, try out new activities together, and step outside of your comfort zones, together. I left my husband shorty after and stayed with him until an apartment become available. Its normal to have disagreements, it really is. After 23yrs apart hes now been in touch telling how he has been looking for me all these years and why i did not tell him if the pregnancy. O my luve's like a red, red rose . But my roomate made me feel loved, wanted and needed in less time than the 5 years of being with my husband. I tell my wife and myself I dont still love her, but if I was honest with myself, I sometimes think I do and miss her. I know that this is very hard to do because you are focused on what you feel with your lover right now, and it is very powerful indeed. I feel things that I never thought I could feel again. I know nothing about this woman..not her name how she looks..nothingand there is no way I would ever have any sort of relationship with her because she knew he was married and still pursued him and broke my family apart. Sorry, but I am giving up. Hello I understand everything that was being said. What should I do? He even confessed of trailing me on Facebook and downloading every pictures of me. Im just missing a connection, long talks, deep conversations, good sex, talking about problems, etc. We could be best buddys for life. He threatened suicide so that I would just give him what he wants. I had a good friend(married) for last 7 years and everything was perfect in life. How can you transform this vision into reality? We all have our own way of experiencing and perceiving the world around us, but we also need to learn how to be patient with one another and see things from the other persons perspective. Plus we have a lot of the same interests. Interestingly enough, it often happens inadvertently. I know that it is a very tough spot to be in, but it seems that you already know what you want to do. I have not lived my spouse for about 6 years. Hi Kim, Thank you for sharing your story. She went out, back to the city, almost every other weekend, until last month, when she finally told me about her love for the other. I had no clue and my world fell apart. Find ratings and reviews for the newest movie and TV shows. Though you have to be in contact with him, you can still make sure that you arent texting or interacting with him when you dont need to be. This is an obvious sign you're unhappily married and in love with someone else. I am in love with my SO, the affection, intimacy, sex life is amazing! Ny feelings are all over the place right now and even though I know what I really want to do which is be with her I dont want to hurt my wife but at the same time Im tired of living my life for everyone else and I want to do something that I want to do for a change in my life and what I think is best for me. The more you can associate your marriage with the feelings of excitement, the less attracted you will be to your childhood boyfriend. We have always had what I thought was a good relationship. I have always been devoted, hard working, cook, romantic, give lots of physical attention to include foot massages and kisses. I have said many hurtful things in desperation of frustration with her. My husband and I have been married 17 years and I feel that I dont deserve him. This means that it needs to be nurtured in order to be kept alive. I dont have much confidence. Curious as to how you will handle it. Thanks, What if you love this other person but divorcing your partner would cause too many problems? We also have a 2 year old. I just dont know what to do anymore and the other guy has disappeared. And maybe he is, I do find myself calling him if I have a flat, or if my daughter needs something, or even if my account gets low and I need a few dollars to make sure it doesnt get into the negative. Hi Ro, thank you for sharing your story. For a while now, i havent been in love with my spouse and even before i met this guy a few months ago, it has been years that ive wanted to end my marriage with my spouse. Before i met my husband i was dating and my ex loved me so much, he never cheated on me for 3yrs but i felt he was everywhere in my life and so i kinda lost interest. In this situation you are going to have to set boundaries and stick with them. About a year ago, Brian reached out to me saying his marriage was in trouble, and not because his wife, Alexandra, didnt want to be with him, but because he wanted to be with his co-worker, Katie. This all is part of proper communication with your husband or wife and mastering this tool will bear its fruit in the long run. Your relationship was rocked by infidelity, but you put in the work to, Is your man dragging his feet when it comes to popping the question? Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. If you would like help through this challenging situation, please reach out to us for coaching by clicking here. Do you have suggestions to help get over those feelings since I cant cut him out? To access it, just click here. He has cheated on me during our 1st year of marriage, said he got drunk and it was a mistake and came clean about it so I forgave him. There have been fights and tensions, and it becomes easy for someone to let go of the love that used to exist. It breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. The sector hopes for more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. I dont think I love my ex boyfriend but I do desire him more than my husband, I was once in love with him and I thought he was the love of my life. Watching someone you love, Love somebody else. I dont know what to do anymore. Hi Sagittarius, first of all, your English is great! If you want to save your marriage, you absolutely can. I dont want to hurt my children and I dont want to hurt anyone. 2022-01-09 When your soulmate is married to someone else, you may wonder if the universe is playing a sick joke on you. You are not maintaining romantic relationships with both people, and your SO should understand this. He is supposed to make his final decision on Sat and Im terrified he will make the wrong choice and loose everything. Once again, its all about seeking clarity! I reconnected with an old friend and I have fallen in love with him. I have been married for 4 years now with 2kids. I didnt divorce, but I have moved out and come back. He wants to leave me for the other woman. All we became was best friends sleeping under the same roof, not even sharing a bed. My issue is this: I love my husband, Im not ready to give up his friend ship, or him as a person just as a lover. thoughts??? But Im married now and dont want to destroy my marriage. I want to forget and give my all to my wife, but I feel like what I did holds me back because I still feel some sort of connection with her. It feels like my marriage is done, and we are just married for 1 year. He shut me off and out at once: I am married and wife of his client. He was exactly what I needed and I fell in love with him. 3. How did this happen? There were no major problems with my marriage and between us we have 5 children and 10 grandchildren that are my greatest joy. I have been married for 39 years. I love this man so much with all my soul. My husband knows about the affair; I told him everything. You are the only one who can make the right decision for yourself, but please dont hesitate to reach out if you would like some exercises in clarifying what your heart truly wants. The solution at this juncture is to think about what you need in order to be truly happy: Your current marriage or being free of it? Unfortunately, the relationship with your spouse has become toxic. For 4 months now, ive developed a feeling for someone i havent even met personally. I have been afraid to leave the marriage with fear of what he might do. Please check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline. On one hand, you have the history and the relationship that youve poured your time and energy into with your husband or wife, and on the other hand, do you have this new person making you feel alive again. In fact, you may even be feeling like they understand you better than anyone ever has before, like they make you feel things that youve never felt before, and maybe even that they make you feel more alive than anyone ever has before. Sometimes this happens because people get lazy and too comfortable in the relationship, but other times it happens because things have been going downhill in the relationship for quite some time. If you can make people feel important in a genuine way, then you can really reinforce the bond between you. Unhappy and lonely, I tried to be content and happy whatever differences in opinions were and what ever much he hurt me I learned to let it go almost instantly. His timing sure sucks and he did say that whatever I decide, he would be fine with. The alternative is, if you do feel you want to work at this and you do have interest to still pursue the partner, we have various options on how to move forward. I have thought about being direct with my coworker and ending it, but its also a friendship I just dont want to lose. Weve probably been close for about 4 years. This is not a lost cause if you dont want it to be. Take this quick quiz to see if you can save your relationship, or more importantly, if you should Take this quick quiz to find out where you stand 2019 Happily Committed, LLC. You can make your life what you want it to be, with whoever you want it to be with. That way, we can ask you targetted questions that can help you define the right steps to take. I am in love with another man while married to someone else and he is also married. I dont know who I am anymore. Want it all but know I cant have it all and feel selfish for wanting it. When it comes to the short-term, you are focused on what makes you feel good right now. In my case I am married, been married for about 11 years, and throughout the marriage it has been nothing but infidelity, a child born out of wedlock and emotional and mental abuse, including rape. Movies. And i dont want to lose him. So my question is: is it okay to go and try to mend the marriage and it still not work? The problem started around a year back when i felt like emotionally attached to that friend and it grew stronger and stronger everyday. The heart is a definitely complicated thing. Married But In Love With Someone Else? I have wanted to leave my husband many times over the years and for different reasons never have. Only you can make that decision. A therapist can be a great ally for understanding your own and others' emotions in relationships. When that bond begins to weaken, the relationship becomes vulnerable to outside factors that can damage it further. Please dont hesitate to book a session with us by clicking here! One of the keys for maintaining the bond between you and your significant other is showing them that you are genuinely interested in them.