He had just proposed to her two weeks ago and we were together 3 years. Needless to say he was in a BIG Rush, I just thought because he loved me so much. He will be 47 when the baby is born and his oldest biological child, whom he has had no relationship with since the age of 3, will be 22! It could be money, fame, friends, assets, power, control-there is always something in it for them. This went on for months and we never even kissed properly. Thats because Im not the narcissist you tried to make me out to be. I feel stupid for feeling that! I have to see him several days a week, which I cant get out of. Never bear anything wrong done to you. Isnt is funny that Im not the one who rushed out and jumped into another marriage.. This My ex was engaged a month after i moved out We were still working on our marriage At least years what he said. Always said it was in her fantasy to have great sex with me but when it came to action Promised a few weeks ago that FINALLY she would have time for usShe cancelled yet another meeting and I read her the riot act listing all the things she was/did: self-righteous/lacking empathy/insensitive/never observing boundaries etc. They actually were in on it together waiting for her to close on her house so he could leave me and move in with her. Stop thinking that way. When she remarried a year after her first failed marriage, she made sure everyone knew he was the ONE. She is an amazing person that has made the wise decision to leave me. Narcissists also feel a real sense that they arent good enough. Poor guyhe is really nice, and she takes total advantage of him. I have zero interest in having an affair with him or anyone else. Instead, it will be through manipulation, control, and force. Thank you this happen to me she got them a house and now they are married. Narcissist use marriage and relationships as a way of obtaining status and prestige in their community. If they cheat, you eventually find out and it destroys your confidence even more. I know why hes making snapshot decisions, forgetting things, and acting like he no longer has his life together. If his new source provides him with the ability to obtain that which he could not achieve on his own, he will go to great lengths to secure this as a constant source of Narcissistic Supply. An emotion that is never allowed tp be expressed in a spouse of a narcissist. After that divorce my second wife was 15 yrs younger, ego boost and all. He was apparently so afraid to be alone that he gave the highest priority to immediately finding a new prey. Last Updated on May 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. He continuously sends me emailsstating that his heart is in pieces,, what about his new wife, I mean supply?. We were divorced 4 yrs ago. Is a narcissist able to maintain his second marriage? Their whole marriage was just some prop to make him look like a victim. He is trying desperately to get me and my now five year old son (who is his only child) out of the house. I could go one forever with these storiesits like a bad movie!!! And hed pretend like nothing ever happened. Breathe a huge sigh of reliefthat could have been you. He was cheating with many women before her and I knew who he was seeing but this one was new. Living and loving a narcissist is never easy. It feels good to finally get a word inbut yet not the healthiest to respond in length to his lies even in writing.How long will this last? Your problem is now someone elses, you were able to take care of all the kids as much as you could, you survived the relationship, you didnt loose your life, your sanity, your werent driven to take his life with all you went through. 5. Save yourself from any one like this. Paid 1/3 her rent and offered her a car, but she didnt want or need my help and told everyone else I abandoned her and her kids high and dryI left her with almost 10k in her account. While having self-confidence or wanting to be acknowledged by others is normal, people with narcissistic personality disorder often take things to extremes. Someday the kids will figure all this out. Keep it light.". It was really eye-opening to read pretty much the exact same thing my ex wrote to me! When you find out youll naturally be shocked, then sad for both of them and then youll laugh and laugh and laugh and thank your lucky stars that it wasnt you. My ex is a classic, insecure narc. The Narcissist and Marriage . 2013-2015: Hell day and night. Wow this is the exact situation that my ex wife isnt in. Narcissists get married because they want someone to inflate their ego and be a permanent source of narcissistic supply. Manchu Manoj Second Marriage Mehandi Pic #youtubeshorts #shortsfeed #shorts They may seem great on day, and just awful the next. While not every narcissist uses all of these tactics, expect a relationship with a narcissist to get worse over time. We tried a reconciliation but his constant abandonment kept occurring. He STILL tried to get me back.. Why? I know this post is several years old, and you may have found your answer, but simply put: The reason he tortures you the way he does is because you left him first, and a narcissist never forgives or forgets that because its probably the worst type of narcissistic injury they can experience. Im wondering sometimes if she was just using me as a plaything and wasnt necessarily a narcissist at all. It is certainly possible to love a narcissist, support them through their troubles, and forgive them for their abuse. Took work overseas over being home with our kids partly to be with GF 2. I fill the same,I found friends he was not happy wanted to to break it off with them, he lost his 24 -7 wife Ive been call everything in the book, Im 70 years old unbelievable starting over, sometimes I can hardly breath. (Lets call it lazy or fearful?). NO CONTACT 5. I know he listens to every single insult and threat and takes it to heart, because I did. My colleague married a female narcissist. I also find it weird that my ex found someone from the Philippines. According to a 2019 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people with NPD have traits that make it harder to love another person. He spoke of marriage allllll the time yet when we met he was still married but separated, so he says. I hope this helps somehow: 1. But, being married to a narcissist means you will be taking part of a daily struggle. What a f*cking head cases! Its surreal. I was finally rid of him, I bought a house for my daughter and I. This site is owned and operated by A Seed Forever LLC, a limited So what i am looking for is a somewhat analysis of what other people think of this whole situation and what they feel was really going on. When he was served the papers the bad mouthing escalated and the ex girlfriend came out of the wood work. As someone who really wanted kids, but cant have them, seeing a child being treated with contempt like that really gets to me. is compensated for referring traffic and business to these Oozing with charm, passion, energy and joie de vivre I thought she must have been heaven sent to pull me out of my dark place. Empathy is necessary for sensitivity to others' feelings and compassion. With a normal healthy stable awake person there is no way the marriage can last long term. I was only responding to her overtures but of course was in head over heels very quickly. A little background? Id get a string you along text then full of exclamation marks an emoticons or even a selfie of her body parts. IM TOTALLY FREEEEEEEEEE. After about a year of this cat and mouse game I got fed up and applied for divorce. We just got on incredibly well and there was very obvious attraction. You would think that is because he was already dating her while he was living with me but actually nope this was a new woman. Want to know more? Because the narcissist is so consumed with themself, they have no room to be concerned about what someone else . So we have both just accepted the situation. Most people use that word to describe someone who seems overly confident . Nature sure what to do about a narcissist second marriage? My ex- drifted from job to job, career to career, mostly not working, but always lamenting what his purpose was. Thank God they werent my kids though. How to Tell a Narcissist You Want a Divorce? NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER (If you have kids together, put a contact management plan in place) 6. He met her in August 2014, proposed to her Dec. 2014, broke off the engagement Jan. 2015, re-proposed to her Feb. 2015 and married April 2015. We lived in his house (he refused to get a mutual home). Narcissist use marriage and relationships as a way of obtaining status and prestige in their community. Little did I know narcs equate stability with BOREDOM. 2010: Hell has gotten even worse. If narcissists are afraid of intimacy and commitment, why and what would possess them to want to marry so fast? Their need for this is related to their lack of independent self esteem or intrinsic sense of self worth. Engaged after a month whilst still married to me. He has convinced the entire family that I am crazy. He didnt care that I was divorcing him as he already had a new girlfriend. There's a major difference between two people enjoying pleasuring one-another, versus a sexual narcissist trying hard to give a virtuoso performance. After 2 years of him struggling to get out of that relationship including her getting a court order to have him locked out of his homeyes, his homehe moved in with my daughter and I. My daughter is now 22 and still lives with us. For more information on dealing specifically with a narcissistic husband, you will find this article useful . Was hard now a year later i thank god for sending the whore to my life and freeing myself from an excuse of a man who lied took my money and treated me like dirt.thank you. Wed fight no resolution zero. Will a narcissist behave better in their second marriage due to getting older and realizing they might not be able to get away with as much as they did in their first marriage, if the second spouse was more intolerant? Why is he still out to get me if he and his girlfriend are now free to be happy? He was very violent to me before and I am scared to death that he will come and shoot me. Hes ill She enables him and hes disgusting to get and me But one day shell see i feel sorry for her. Even since hes been married, And i agreee.Been there. And, make you feel extremely cherished and loved. He was living with his 3rd wife 5 months after we separated and living with his 4th wife 4 months after leaving his 3rd wife. No. I got out, got therapy, rebuilt my life. I know why he apologises to random people for things she accuses him of, because I used to do it. Marries me while Im 5 months pregnant. As long as her life continues to appear fabulous, she will keep this guy around. Other common qualities include being kind, loyal, generous, and willing to give unconditionally once they feel securely connected to their partner. I was expecting them to be very affectionate and in love, since they were only 12 months into the honeymoon period. Narcissists rarely get better as a consequence of marriage. Another time she called and wanted to take me to lunch on fathers day, yet we have no kids together. Her fourth marriage and she is only a few months into 43 years old! This term is derived from the psychological disorder and is better known in the context of a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). He wanted me isolated and loved pulling my strings. So the next time you walk into the office, put a smile on that face. His career is his only place of stability. To cut a long story short, she played with me for months on end like a cat would play with a sick/dying mouse. BC fails. From the narcissist that I know, they can maintain a second marriage IF the new spouse is a giver and feeds the narcissist constantly. And yes, I have gone to alanon and counseling- because in my self-recriminations, I realized my giving nature had lacked boundaries. I could do nothing right. I am fresh out of a narcissistic marriage he remarried before the ink was dry ..I too feel as lakes does. My fianc and I have been together for 5 years. Everything she has ever told me was a lie, so why would she start being honest now? His response to divorce is to walk away and not answer emails or calls from me or my daughter (the one he adopted). After about a week he was texting me and calling me again and wanting to work things out. I stayed in out of fear mostly. I got an important call for her about an hour after she left and called her cell, which always if she missed my call she would call me back real quick, but not this day. Typically, narcissist do not get better after marriage. I started to notice he was aggressive and violent. He wont have the courteousy to call you to let you know hes getting married. She looks like a young Marilyn Monroe with high cheek bones a real trophy girl who, despite a very rough life and childhood looks exactly half her age. You have your freedom, as in you are not locked up as a result of this r/ship.i could go on and on. How can someone who has a history of cheating and lying, who lacks empathy and compassion, and who has proven that he/she has no desire of upholding their vows get remarried? I left when I caught her in yet another lie. Its like rewatching a movie, knowing when the plot twists are, then watching the characters act them out a moment later. The week before I left she was trying to get me to have her tubes unties. This guy that she married is pretty successful financially. Because of the prenupt- I lost all of that money I put into the marriage, and was never reimbursed, even for the years of paying health insurance from my salary benefits. NO CONTACT, NO COMMUNICATION 7. If you leave, they stalk you. I brought my young child into this marriage. The sex was mostly forceful and rough. When I finally had the guts to finally get away from him, he refused to divorce me or sign paper. Narcissism is a complex pattern of behavior. He needed that status of me leaving him. The narcissists lability is so omnipresent and so dominant it could be said that the only stable trait they possess is their instability. All of these tactics can make them seem too good to be true. When they all (my kids too) moved in,he moved out for three months.Realising what he had gotten involved with. Two months after he passed started seeing someone, two months later was engaged, two months after that broke up with him. He is remarried to a 28 year old who blames me for him disrespecting her. Two weeks later and I see photographs of her new man on facebook. Therefore, a narcissist will only associate with others of high status or intellect, for they feel ONLY these people can possibly understand them. Marriage. Its been 4 years since I had a relationship with anyone. Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide Nine months later we were married, and a year after that I had a baby. Simple. I want to let all this go- but I get brain buzz when Im with all the kids- like at Christmas and with this news of his engagement, Im stunned. Paul,she has done you a massive favour.Keep looking ahead, blinkers off but aware that people like this have nothing.Empty vessels, its all about looks and control with themremember,empty vessels make the most noise.These Narcs have no shame,conscience,esteem,love (for themselves (not in that way) or for others)..it is like dating a robot.They say all the right things at the right time but it is all done to manipulate. Use one of these aspects as a benchmark to convince your spouse to get help. The career narcissist is often ruthless, demanding, demeaning and highly successful. She lead me to therapy, and gave me the gift of knowing who I really am, then went away to be happy. They find a potential partner in someone weaker, less intelligent, or underconfident. It is not uncommon to find chaos and instability in the career narcissist. Before we got engaged, he asked my dad for his . What a bunch of pigs. This will be his 3rd marriage. To an extent such that they end up disregarding everyone else and focusing merely on their pleasures and needs. This same condition makes it difficult for them to understand or acknowledge that they are the root of many of the problems in their relationships. Finally, it does not matter what the NARC says about you to anyone, they will be found out of you do this: STAND IN YOUR OWN TRUTH WITH DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT, DO NOT LOWER YOURSELF TO THE NARCS DEPTHS OF HOPELESSNESS, AND REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE ESCAPED FROM A TERRIBLE EXISTENCE, AND THE ROAD AHEAD IS NOW CLEAR FOR AN AMAZING LIFE THAT YOU WILL HAVE. I myself have been divorced 3 times but for my poor choices. I paid for household expenses and his kids needs and our health insurance from my salary. Because I was stable, he tried sweet talking me and I could tell he was trying to move back into my life again. I couldnt understand how this man could have had two lives and I didnt know. Both my parents are dead, and I dont want to talk about this with my kids. Lied, cheats, loves attention and makes out to be one person but is completely another. And since she has destroyed his self esteem, he just accepts whatever she wants and gives in to avoid being alone. The narcissists view of himself and of his world is correspondingly unstable. My sister is now on her 4th marriage and she is a difficult person to understand. If you were abandoned by your mother, for instance, and then married a narcissistic woman the first time around, you may carry powerful abandonment fears that lie just below the surface.. I was a doormat and the narcissist left me. I could go on and on about the mental abuse. 1 In a relationship, for example, this could manifest in physical or verbal abuse, manipulation, or passive-aggressive behavior. His children stay with me or their maternal grandmother when they are in town, not with him and call me Mom (saint mom- right!?!). Ive met him a few times and he is adorable and very polite (far more so than I was at 6/7 years old!). They typically have little empathy for others, which can make it difficult for them to understand or . My family and I have been trying to pinpoint what exactly her mental problems are and have figured that Narcissism could be a possibility. Her oldest sons gf was pregnant, so she wanted a kid then too. She hasnt left him yet (3 years and counting) despite constantly threatening him with divorce. Someday the kids will figure all this out. Im rid of her and she married the idiot. Some common tactics that narcissists use early in their relationships are . Rediscovering narcissism and interested to read the above comments. Hi thanks for saying this. For all those wondering what they did wrong.the answer is loved someone who has not learned to love themselves.love is not on the narcissist list of needs.only the external supply they need to power themselveseither give it to them and let yourself be depleted until you stop being you or respect yourself enough to simply let them be who they are and cut your losses and walk away NOW! After our separation I found out many more disturbing acts he had committed in the years before we met. He treated me and my kids like chop liver in my own house. Get a temporary order. Leave all the emotions out (even if youre faking it till you make it), dont react to smear-campaigning, and use some Hollywood-style PR to get your life and sanity back by not giving him any form of supply at all (through reactions, emotions, facial expressions, etc.).